You spend so much of every day following the rules. You follow the speed limit, you save all your receipts for your taxes, and you still send thank you notes after receiving a gift.
Whether you’re an avid rule-follower or you’re no stranger to taking a walk on the wild side, sometimes, bending the rules can be exciting. Even if you’re known for being a goody-two-shoes, and meeting everyone’s expectations, once you know what the rules are, it can be a lot of fun to break them. And breaking those rules when it’s going to lead to better sex—all the more reason to toss out the rulebook.
If you can barely remember the last time you broke a “rule,” consider this: When you break the rules, it can help you to feel powerful—because you’re doing exactly what you want to do. You’re not being good just for the sake of someone else.
When you turn a cold shoulder to the rules, you feel free. And even if it makes you feel a little nervous, there’s always a small thrill that comes from doing something you’re not supposed to do. Breaking the rules, even just a wee bit, can go a long way in stoking your desire.
If you’re new to breaking the rules, feel free to go slow, and think about how you can weave small acts of misbehaving into your routine day-to-day.
Ready to be bad and feel good while you shake up your sex life? Here are some fun ideas to get you started. You might want to tuck this list away (wink, wink).
- Leave a party early without announcing your departure and get a drink together on the way home.
- Skip the fancy party completely and indulge in burgers and a movie.
- Begin foreplay before you leave the house for the evening, or better yet, have end of the night sex before you get all dressed up.
- Take a sick day mid-week and stay in bed all day. What you do in there is totally up to you.
- Lunchtime sex. Bring back the nooner.
- Fondle your partner while they’re on an important phone call. Just make sure it’s not a video call.
- Fire off a suggestive text midday. It’s all about talking about sex without talking aboutsex.
- Leave a sexy note in your partner’s work bag—one that’s wildly inappropriate for work.
- Meet your partner at a party and introduce yourself as if you’re meeting for the first time.
- Do you remember the last time you made out inside your car in the parking lot? See if you can remember the rush.
- “Forget” to wear underwear. Tell your partner(s) mid-date.
- Leave your sexiest undergarment hanging somewhere your partner will see it.
- Try doing a routine task sans clothing. Naked house cleaning? Bacon and eggs in your underwear?
- Go for a quickie. Urgency is HOT.
- Lock the bathroom door and get sexy in the shower or in the bathroom before you’ve had your morning coffee.
- Go beyond the bedroom. Simply changing up the room can make sex more exciting!
- Go shopping together, but not for groceries—visit a sex shop and pick out some fun toys to play with tonight.
- Tease them with a peep show. When you know they’re watching, perhaps casually walk across the room naked, and act like everything is normal as you go about your business.
- Play make-believe. Experiment with role-playing and play a part that feels very bad.
- Pretend you’re new at this. Or have your partner play the newbie and guide them through everything they should do.
- Hide and seek. When your partner is on their way home leave a trail of clothes to the lucky treasure at the end of the trail—you, naked and waiting patiently.
- Try it in front of the mirror.
- Be selfish. It doesn’t always have to be about mutual pleasure. Go ahead and ask for everything you want.
- Talk dirty. Being naughty and talking dirty can help you feel more excited and put some of the spice back into your relationship.
- Read erotica out loud.
The fun part about rules is that when you get to know them, you can have even more fun breaking them.
Here’s to breaking some rules and turning up the heat!
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Sexology International, like all of our work, is for people of all sexual preferences and all forms of gender expression, including people whose identity is something other than male or female. As such, we like to use gender-neutral pronouns. More recently accepted alternatives include words like “ze” and “hir” or the universal pronoun “they.” Throughout our work, we will be doing our best to use alternative pronouns, such as “they,” whenever gender or plurality is unimportant. In doing so we hope it helps everyone to feel included in the discussion and that it inspires you to think outside of traditional sex and gender binaries.