Let’s talk dirty.
Does that declaration leave your stomach in knots? Perhaps you’ve tried some naughty talk with partners in the past and it was phenomenal. Or it left you feeling uncomfortable or strange.
Maybe you find it embarrassing or a turn-off. Often our clients have a misperception of dirty talk that they’ve learned from porn—which can often leave out the intimacy element. It doesn’t need to be vulgar or hardcore (unless you like it that way) to be erotic, but it can be an easy way to deepen your sensual connection with your partner(s).
Our voices are simply another tool we have to communicate with each other. We have sight, feel, smell, and touch. Most of our communication doesn’t come from the language we use. Body language, the tone of your voice, and the expressions on your face are all more powerful than sound.
Outside the bedroom, talk about what you crave—in bed, talk about what you like.
When you’re warming up to the idea of talking dirty, a good rule of thumb is to express what you want to do with your partner before it happens, and while you’re getting down, express what’s turning you on.
Whether you’re going from completely hush in the bedroom to wanting to learn the love language of a new partner, to getting loud and boisterous, this article should give you some ideas to play with.
To warm up to the idea of warming up your vocal cords during sex, tune into what’s already happening and think about what kind of soundtrack you can apply to what’s happening. Start with expressing your delight with groans and even some expressions such as, “Yes!” “More of that please!” “Oh, I love that!” “That feels so good!” “Keep going!” “I love it when you do that!” “You look so freaking hot.” Everyone’s comfort level with talk in bed is different, and these are some simple phrases to warm up to more—but only if you like!
Start with their feelings
Ask your partner(s) how they want to feel in bed. Do they want to feel seen, loved, sexy, powerful, dominant, submissive, embarrassed? Start with how they want to feel so you can use phrases that will make them feel great. This can also help you make sure that you’re not going to go too far too fast.
Ask for it
Just like pleasure is about giving and receiving, dirty talk is more than a one-sided conversation. If you want to hear more—ask. Try asking your partner(s) with some prompting questions: “Are you enjoying this?” “Like this?” “What should I do for you?” “Tell me how you like it.”
Say it only if you mean it
Avoid the urge to make something up, maybe from something you’ve heard in a movie. Dirty talk is so much sexier when you mean what you say. And say it like you mean it too. The tone of your voice is just as (maybe more) important than what you say. So put your heart into it and your partner(s) can feel the intensity of your desire. This also means you should be honest with each other about what you’d like to hear more of. When your partner says something that really revs your engine, tell them, respond with audible moans and groans of delight.
Know the limits
Before jumping in with potential derogatory or shame-inducing words, make sure your partner is comfortable with hearing certain words, and also express which words are off-limits. It could be a total intimacy killer when feelings get hurt because of something being said that didn’t feel great to either of you. Discuss naughty words that are off the table.
Steal these scripts:
As you expand your sensual lingo, here are some potential expressions you might want to play with. And while these might be beginner level for some like I mentioned earlier, make sure everyone involved is comfortable with these terms before you test them out.
- I want you
- You’re so sexy/ F*cking hot
- I’m so turned on/wet/hard
- Are you ready for me?
- I want to feel your mouth here/Lick me here
- I want you in my mouth/I can’t wait to taste you
- I’m getting close/Just like that
- I’m coming
- I want more/I want all of you
- I love how you taste/smell/feel/sound
- You’re so beautiful, baby
- I love what you do with your tongue/[insert body part]
- You’re so damn sexy
- You taste so good
- That feels so good
- Keep going!
- [insert partner name]!
- I love the sounds you make/You sound so sexy when I’m going down on you
- I love your [insert body part name]
- Tell me how you like it
- Look me in the eyes and don’t stop
- Just like that, baby
- I love how you look at me when you’re turned on
- You’re so good/fantastic
- Tell me what you’re going to do to me
- I’m touching myself
- I thought about you last night when I was touching myself
- Ughhh… I love your body so much
- Do you want me to cum, baby?
- Where do you want me to cum?
- I want you to tease me until I can’t take it any longer
- Your body feels so good
- You have such a perfect [insert body part]
- I love sucking/licking your [insert body part]
- F*ck me. Don’t stop! Harder!
We have so many different ways to express our sexuality, so remember to enjoy the process and celebrate your ability to communicate your unique sensual expression.
Start out slowly, and if something comes across as a little awkward, go ahead and laugh about it. Sex should be fun, and having a healthy sense of humor can go a long way when you’re foraying into new territory. Even if you feel a little embarrassed at first, keep practicing and try out new expressions.
Give this a try and want to go further? The Art of Inspired Sex might be for you!
Did you enjoy this article? You might like these too:
- For Great Sex, Build Your Toolbox of Desire
- Sex Not Fun Anymore? Here’s How To Take Control Of Your Pleasure
- 10 Unexpected (but Totally Simple) Ways to Improve Your Sex Life
Sexology International, like all of our work, is for people of all sexual preferences and all forms of gender expression, including people whose identity is something other than male or female. As such, we like to use gender-neutral pronouns. More recently accepted alternatives include words like “ze” and “hir” or the universal pronoun “they.” Throughout our work, we will be doing our best to use alternative pronouns, such as “they,” whenever gender or plurality is unimportant. In doing so we hope it helps everyone to feel included in the discussion and that it inspires you to think outside of traditional sex and gender binaries.