Now that I have your attention, I’m excited to dig into sharing why slow sex can magnify your sensual pleasure.
We need to slow down
We’re working longer hours than ever, and spending more time connected to our smartphones than to other humans. Sure, the internet is amazing! It’s what’s letting me share this valuable information with you so easily. It’s a delicate balancing act between using technology as a tool to improve our lives, and using it to numb ourselves and zone out.
The more disconnected we become from ourselves, we disconnect from our bodies and also our sexual selves. This can leave us feeling scattered, stressed, and even out of sync with ourselves and our partner(s).
With time at a premium, we’re craving microwavable lunches and lightning-fast quickies.
As a Sexologist, I help my clients improve their sex lives and their connection to themselves and others. I mean, if we can’t slow down to spend time enjoying life and our sensual sides with our partner(s), then our priorities might need some rearranging. Slow sex is a delightful way to take care of ourselves and our partners.
Why slow sex is incredible
The idea alone of slowing down to savor sex might give you some clues, but here are some more reasons to slow your roll:
- Greater chance for more orgasms because you’re taking your time
- More powerful orgasms
- Heightened connection so less conflict outside of the bedroom
- Less stress
- More sex (both from time spent and frequency)
- Getting to know you and your partner(s) better including what turns you both on
Are you sold by now? Here are some ways to slow down and savor the sexi ride:
Pre-sex slow-down rituals
The routines that take place right before sex are the building blocks for sexual anticipation and tension. Maybe your getting ready for sex ritual looks like lighting a candle, cueing up a sexy playlist, or just looking at your partner and saying, “Let’s go!”It could be subtle, like a glance or wearing something just a little out of character. Whatever you do to set the scene—carve out the time to slow down. Many people find that scheduling sex helps prioritize themselves and their relationships. Putting sex on the calendar shows your partner(s) that it’s important.
Switch off distractions such as your phones or televisions and get out of your head and into your body. You can do this by starting with a sensual massage, dancing, or even a hug. Really, anything that will help you unplug from your busy day and plug into your body is a fantastic primer for sex.
Think of foreplay as sex
Shift your focus from considering “foreplay” the things you do before sex and think about foreplay as sex itself. Sex involves all the parts of your body and even your mind. It’s also a heck of a lot more fun to think about it this way too and can take the pressure off sex being a “big act.”
Spending time touching, cuddling, stroking, and showing your appreciation for your partner(s) body are all ways to enjoy the moment and ease your way into sex.
Next, move to kissing, fondling, slowly. Make sure you don’t take the express route to each other’s genitals—you’re going slow. You’re walking the line between building anticipation and creating a little frustration. To keep from going over the frustration line, you’ll stay intensely present in the moment with your bodies.
Relish the moments
Sex can be messy and disorganized. It’s all about feeling into one another and connecting on a more intimate level.
Allow yourself to relax fully, close your eyes, or open your eyes, and notice all the sensations, sounds, sights, and smells. You’ve got all night to stop and smell the roses!
There’s no need to rush to orgasm—you can bring each other close and then stop. Play with doing this a few times to intensify the later orgasm, or you could do this all night.
After a round of slow and deliberate sex, you might be exhausted and want to pass out. There are still some things you can do to appreciate the afterglow and your current reality.
You didn’t race to the finish so you won’t race away when you’re done either. Stay present in all the moments, observe your partner(s) coming down from their high as you grow your connection even closer.
Now, plan your slow sex date!
You took the first step to enjoying slower sex by reading this article. Now you get to make a date. Pull out your calendar now and choose a good time. If you like, you can even send an invitation to your partner(s). A handwritten note or even a brief text message will do, “You + me + 2 hours on Friday night. Bring lube.”
Oh, and if all you really want right now is a quickie—by all means, go for it! The quickie totally has a place in our lives too!
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Sexology International, like all of our work, is for people of all sexual preferences and all forms of gender expression, including people whose identity is something other than male or female. As such, we like to use gender-neutral pronouns. More recently accepted alternatives include words like “ze” and “hir” or the universal pronoun “they.” Throughout our work, we will be doing our best to use alternative pronouns, such as “they,” whenever gender or plurality is unimportant. In doing so we hope it helps everyone to feel included in the discussion and that it inspires you to think outside of traditional sex and gender binaries.