Cozy up, we’re going to chat about your favorite pre-intercourse activity — foreplay.
But first, let’s think about what foreplay really is before we warm up to it. Often we consider foreplay as the appetizer to intercourse — some activities to get us hungry for more, such as kissing, making out, fondling, and oral sex.
For pleasure’s sake! Let’s enjoy pleasure just for the fun of it!
It sounds like a party, right? If you’re with us and down to turn your foreplay (fun-play) up a few notches, read on for some fun and easy ways to do so:
1. Rewrite your idea of “sex”
Sex is more than what we learned while giggling, red-faced in the back of the fourth-grade sex-ed class. Sex is so much more than genitalia + genitalia = orgasm. Think of sex as consensual interaction with satisfaction as the only goal. This could mean touching with your hands or oral sex. It can also mean back massages, foot rubs, and kissing — and also sucking fingers, toes, and spanking. When we expand our perception of what sex means, the entire experience of foreplay and sensual activities become even more amazing.
2. Embrace climax-free sex
When you’re more relaxed and in tune with your bodies, the moment, and yourself, you’ll be able to sink deeply into bliss. Whether you’re male or female, embrace the idea of canoodling without climaxing. Enjoying pleasure for pleasure’s sake may take some practice and patience, but when you change the priority of sex from orgasm to enjoyment, you can take your time reveling in turning each other on. And all that time you spend savoring the experience may actually make an orgasm happen more easily if you normally struggle.
3. Pencil it in
While the mere idea of treating sex as a dentist appointment might leave you with fluoride-filled dreams, we’ve got stuff to do! So making space for foreplay and sex to happen are essential. By carving out the time on your calendar and planning for intimacy with your partner(s), you’re putting your enjoyment at the top of your priority lists — Instead of just thinking you’ll, ‘do it later when you have the energy.’ Choose a day and time that works for you and your partner(s) and block out a few hours (or even just 20 minutes!). And when the ding on your calendar rings for your sexi date, turn off the distractions, turn on each other, and the fun.
4. Play with toys
Grown-up toys — like dildos, vibrators, and blindfolds can be a delightful way to ease into the wonderful world of erotic toys. The ability to shop for such novelties online has really been a game-changer. Gone are the days of trying to sneak inside an adult store donning a hoodie praying you don’t see anyone you know. When you first begin playing with sexi toys, start with one at a time, and avoid rushing. Get to know what kinds of pleasure a single gadget can bring — they can amp up the power of your sexual variety and pleasure. Since foreplay is rooted in creativity, think about sex toys as an easy way to play while enhancing your creative mind.
5. Enjoy an intimacy marathon
Slow and steady wins the — pleasure race? While not a race at all, intimacy and foreplay can happen long before and after sex. Intimacy can happen all day long! Partners can enjoy intimacy, even when not together. For instance, if you have a date night on your calendar (because you’re scheduling sex now, right?), you and your partner(s) can send each other sexi and suggestive text messages or emails all day long. One of my favorite suggestions for my clients is sneaking a handwritten note into each other’s bags, letting them know how excited you are for your playdate later.
Now that you have some fun new tools in your pocket for your next between the sheets sesh, relax into it, enjoy the ride, and most of all — find the adventure through play!
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Sexology International, like all of our work, is for people of all sexual preferences and all forms of gender expression, including people whose identity is something other than male or female. As such, we like to use gender-neutral pronouns. More recently accepted alternatives include words like “ze” and “hir” or the universal pronoun “they.” Throughout our work, we will be doing our best to use alternative pronouns, such as “they,” whenever gender or plurality is unimportant. In doing so we hope it helps everyone to feel included in the discussion and that it inspires you to think outside of traditional sex and gender binaries.