Our intimate relationships are moving toward a more conscious kind of love.
A conscious relationship is a romantic relationship where everyone involved taps into a greater sense of purpose than just those in the relationship. People in a conscious relationship are committed to ongoing and intentional growth—as individuals, in the relationship, and for creating a better world for everyone.
Instead of falling into relationships to satisfy our personal needs, a conscious one is intentional and centered around opening and expanding. The relationship is a journey of evolution, and while in the relationship, everyone has the opportunity to expand further than they could alone.
If you’re feeling the nudge to take your intimate relationship to a deeper and more profound level, here are some ways to practice consciousness in your relationship.
- Do YOU first
Putting yourself first doesn’t make you selfish, self-centered, or greedy. It means you’re listening to your body, heart, and your head. It’s honoring who you are as a sensual being and respecting your spiritual path. When we place ourselves at the top of the list, we attract someone who will treat us the same. By fully and completely loving ourselves first, weird habits, so-called quirks and all, it means we accept all the parts of us. By starting with you, you can make choices from this place of self-care and honor—encouraging our partner(s) to do the same.
- Detach from the outcome
This doesn’t mean that you don’t care about what happens in your relationship or that you don’t have big dreams for where your relationship can take you. Detaching from the outcome means that you’re more invested in the experience of personal growth than you are to getting the relationship to “work out.” And hey, we’re here to grow and evolve in every area of our lives—physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. When we stop growing, it can lead to us feeling stagnant and stuck. As humans, we need to develop continuously.
- Act with the greater good in mind
In relationships, we can often keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves because it seems like the right thing to do at the time. We pretend to be okay with our partner(s) crossing certain boundaries and carry ourselves to events just because we think it will make our partner like us more or for acceptance. When we get tired of donning the mask, we show our real authentic selves—the person with wants, feelings, and desires. And that’s okay! By showing up as your beautiful self in your relationship, your partner has a better opportunity to get to know you better. And when you let another person get to know you better, you develop a relationship built on a foundation of mutual honesty, respect, and trust.
- Stay curious about growth
Constantly explore those nudges of curiosity in yourself and your relationship. By pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zones, we’re focused on personal growth. In every situation—both our wins and mess-ups, there are lessons for us to learn. As we focus on following those curious hunches, we can greet an awkward encounter, argument, or lousy date night with a certain openness and ask ourselves, “Hmm, I wonder why that happened. What could I do differently next time?” By keeping our focus on our desire to improve, we shift our outlooks and can avoid further turbulence.
- Commit to feeling good.
By committing to actions that make us feel good, we feel happier, and we experience less stress and anxiety. Another byproduct of making choices that lead to good feelings is becoming magnetic to others. It may take some time to focus on feeling good and moving away from behaviors and even people that don’t make us happy. Explore ways to feel good within the boundaries of your relationship and how you can make your partner(s) feel loved.
We’re just scratching the surface here when it comes to fostering a more conscious relationship. Each one of these ideas is a way to empower yourself to drop actions that are no longer serving your intimate relationship and to embrace some that will help your relationship expand and grow. The path to a more connected, deeper, and more conscious relationship is winding and sometimes bumpy. And it can be wildly rewarding.
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Sexology International, like all of our work, is for people of all sexual preferences and all forms of gender expression, including people whose identity is something other than male or female. As such, we like to use gender-neutral pronouns. More recently accepted alternatives include words like “ze” and “hir” or the universal pronoun “they.” Throughout our work, we will be doing our best to use alternative pronouns, such as “they,” whenever gender or plurality is unimportant. In doing so we hope it helps everyone to feel included in the discussion and that it inspires you to think outside of traditional sex and gender binaries.